38 Months

My Sweet Mollie Girl,

I have been terrible at writing your letters... I mean I have only missed on month, but still... I am missing so much.  You are growing so fast and doing so much.  You are basically a little adult.  You are a strong, independent leader.  You are hilarious, you sing about everything, you are so very loving and just blow me away on a daily basis.

I can't believe the amount of things you have been through in the last month.  We just lost your Popa, my father, on May 11th.  You got to see him and smile at him and it made him cry... that was one of the last times he was able to communicate.  You said "Popa!  Hi Popa!  It's Mollie.  These tubes are supposed to make you feel better!  You okay?"  It made me cry, of course.  I didn't take you back after that, but we definitely had to ask you to hang on, wait, in a minute, not right now, give me a minute, mommy's busy, etc... It wasn't fair for you, but you handled it with such grace.

Mommy and Daddy needed to be with Grandma and your aunts and uncles... so we could all help each other through everything, but you were so sweet and loving.  You wouldn't leave grandma's arms after Popa passed away.  You wanted to make her feel better, because she was sad.  You tell me all the time how much you love me and that you don't want me to be sad.  You have been processing Popa's death on your own as well.  Mostly through songs and telling the story of Popa to everyone we meet.

Mostly... It is hard to discuss more than this right now, as it is sort of all I can think about.  It was really hard for us, as we were with your Popa when he passed, and while I wouldn't trade that, it was very difficult.  You, my love, are a special soul.  A loving, fiesty, sweet baby girl.  I love you so fiercely... there isn't much else I can think of to say.

You went to work with me in IL this week as well, and that was a lot of fun!  We swam for 3 hours one day, Nicola watched you, we went for walks in wheat fields and then you busted your chin wide open.  You were getting into the tub at the hotel to take a bath and you were excited, so you jumped up and slipped on the towel and busted your chin wide open and cut your tongue.  You gushed and gushed blood, but wouldn't let me let go of you.  You finally let me clean it up, I called the doctor, my pediatrician friend, Kristin, your daddy, and my colleague/friend Cassie, and decided to wait until the next morning to take you to the doctor.  I created some steri strips out of band-aids and the doc said I did a really great job, so you didn't end up needing stitches.  What an "abenture" (as you say).

I love you so much, my love.  We are getting ready for baby Maxon, and I am super ready to paint your room and make it your own.

I will write to you again soon.  Love you to the Moon and Back!

Mommy

Week 26 - May 7 - 13, 2015

My Sweet Maxon,

This letter comes with tears and heartache, and late, because I couldn't quite write it last week.  My father, your Popa Penrod, passed away this week.  He passed away on Monday, May 11th at 6:17pm at Baylor Heart Hospital in Plano, TX.  He passed away with Grandma, all of your aunts and uncles and a great aunt and uncle by his side.  It was one of the most difficult moments of my life, and when you are older I will share the experience with you.  The week before he passed away when he was a little more lucid, he wanted to feel you kicking.  You kicked him good a few times.  He so wanted to be there to hold you on the day you were born, to give you kisses and sing you one of the songs he wrote.  I am going to really struggle with that reality on the day you are born.  It will be a day of great joy and also of some sadness for me.  Your grandma will be there and will snuggle you for both of them.

I don't know that there is much more I can say except, I love you.  I am grateful for you... feeling you kicking me and rolling around brought me such a peace this week.  While one life was fading, one was growing... It showed me the true circle of life - before my very eyes.  How do I say how much you are loved, except to say it?  I do I show you how much you are loved, except to show you?  I so look forward to lots of snuggles and kisses in 14 short weeks.

I love you, my beautiful son.

Mommy

Week 23 (April 16 - 22, 2015), Week 24 (April 23 - 29, 2015), Week 25 (April 30 - May 6)

Hey Sweet Boy,

This has been an insane few weeks, hence my lack of posts for the last three weeks.  I really want to talk with you weekly, but circumstances have prevented me from doing so.  Your Popa, my dad, has been gravely ill.  In fact, I am sorry to say, I don't think you will even get to meet him.  I have been driving and flying back and forth from Dallas to be with him, your grandma, your uncles, aunts and cousins.  I do feel like we are here to say goodbye, and that is very hard.  I don't even know that your sister will remember him, and let me tell you... your sister LOVES Popa.  It is a hard time for me right now, but feeling your kicks, hits and nudges actually calms me and gives me a sense of peace.

Week 23!!! 

Your baby is more than 11 inches long and weighs just over a pound, about the size of a large mango, you may be able to see him squirm underneath your clothes.

Week 24!!!

Your baby's growing steadily, having gained about 4 ounces since last week. That puts him at about 1 1/3 pounds. Since he's almost a foot long, about the size of an ear of corn, he cuts a pretty lean figure at this point, but his body is filling out proportionally and he'll soon start to plump up. 

Week 25!!!

Head to heels, your baby now measures about 13 1/2 inches. Her weight — 1 1/2 pounds — isn't much more than, about the size of a rutebaga, but she's beginning to exchange her long, lean look for some baby fat. As she does, her wrinkled skin will begin to smooth out and she'll start to look more and more like a newborn. She's also growing more hair — and if you could see it, you'd now be able to discern its color and texture.

I sure do try to keep up with my little updates, but with all of the emotion of the last couple of weeks... well, it is all I can do.  I want you to know that you are moving so much right now... kicking me and elbowing me all the time.  I love how active you are, it brings me peace and comfort.  Know, my little man, that you are loved intensely, and your daddy and I cannot wait to hold you in 15 short weeks!!!

Love you, 

Mommy